Raising Emotionally Intelligent Learners—Starting With Ourselves
Swedish Conversation Cups from Espresso House
Hand-delivered all the way from Sweden, my new Conversation Cups are a treasured connection. To me, they represent fika—the Swedish custom of pausing in the day to share coffee, conversation, and presence with another person. These simple moments of connection have inspired me to think about how we, as homeschool parents, create space for connection in our own lives.
The cups were purchased in Sweden by my new friend and children’s book author, Sarah Wills Carlsson. What a joy to make new friends!
Making friends as an adult can feel challenging though—especially for homeschool parents whose schedules overflow with lessons, enrichment activities, and co-ops. Real connection takes intentional effort and a few emotional intelligence skills. Since friendship and connection start with understanding our own emotions, let’s begin there.
Try this emotional intelligence activity
Here’s a quick way to see where you stand with your own emotional vocabulary. Set a timer for 30 seconds. Now, write down as many emotions as you can think of.
How many did you get? Were most of your words positive or negative? Simple or specific?
The average adult will only come up with 3 to 5 broad emotions like “joy,” “anger,” and “sadness.” Yet there are well over 100, and research shows that being able to name our emotions accurately offers significant psychological and physiological benefits, particularly for managing intense or negative feelings.
Adults and emotional intelligence
As an engineer in the corporate world, Sarah saw firsthand how a lack of emotional intelligence created misunderstandings, especially among cross-cultural teams. That experience led her to start her consulting business, Nspir. As she worked with adults, she realized something important: the best time to grow emotional intelligence is early in life. That insight inspired her to write the ‘ittle Bear children’s book series.
In each book, ‘ittle Bear uses her superpower traits of curiosity, courage, and compassion to grow in her emotional intelligence.
Children and social and emotional learning
As an adult on my own EI journey, I know how much easier it is to learn emotional intelligence skills as a child before one has so much relational baggage.
Early in my parenting journey, I knew I wanted to equip my boys with strong social and emotional skills, yet I didn’t have the tools myself. And homeschool SEL resources didn't even exist back then, so I floundered. Maybe you’ve felt the same—wanting to give your children emotional tools but not knowing where to start.
The number one answer to the question, "What would you have done differently in homeschooling if you could do it over?" for me is, "I'd be more intentional about teaching my children social and emotional skills." I did recognize the importance of naming emotions, but I had no downloadable emotion wheels or age-appropriate activities to help them practice expressing and managing their emotions.
So, together, Sarah and I created the ‘ittle Bear: Adventures in Emotional Intelligence course—born from what I wish I’d had for my own children and designed to support today’s homeschooling families.
Back to adults and emotional intelligence
Teaching my children emotional skills reminded me how much I still had to learn myself. To help them build community and connection, I had to nurture myself. I needed to fika—to take a break from the endless list of homeschool activities, duties, and commitments and just enjoy another person’s company.
As you are teaching your children how to express their emotions, take a moment to use an emotion wheel yourself to identify what you are feeling. Then share that with another person, perhaps another homeschool parent who can relate to your joys and struggles.
Invite someone to fika with you. Meet at a local coffee shop or park and enjoy a drink and a snack together. Tell them about fika—and how it’s about connection. Give yourself time to refill your cup so you can better care for those around you.
If you’d like to know more about fika, stop by my blog, Social Seahorse Connections. It’s all about building community and connection, and you’ll find a post there that explains the practice of fika and gives you ideas for great conversation topics.
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